I have been thinking lately about weddings. Why do people marry? Do they go into the union thinking that it is forever? For better or worse..? From this day forward... what about the day before or weeks before your wedding?
Rewind seven years ago, I had a very narrow view of weddings. A fairytale perception that two people would fall in love with the crescendo of the big white wedding. The big day where all friends and family gather to witness these vows... As life does, time has shifted my understanding and views on marriage. While I still try to hold onto the idea of forever, I feel marriage is a representation of love and trust between 2 people. Whether a couple decide to legalise this union or not, I believe if they represent love and trust, then they are married. When I talk about trust, it's more than trusting your partner. It's actually trusting the relationship. Trusting the relationship itself to embrace the goodness of life as well as weather the storms, is paramount to this union. The wedding bands that are exchanged on the wedding day represent infinity - no beginning or end. Love, devotion and loyalty - a physical representation of the vows exchanged. Historically we place these rings on the ring finger because once upon a time the Egyptians and the Romans shared the belief that a vein from the fourth finger lead directly to the heart. Scientist have since disproved this. As romantic as this all is, let's face it... people die, people make bad choices, people divorce. Nothing everything is forever. Some people may go a life time never marrying and be in a solid relationship with their true love! Whatever the path one takes, I feel when we commit to a relationship and the union is one of truth and love, then that is a marriage. And as for how one chooses to celebrate this union... - whether publicly in a tiara with a big white gown and everyone watching - discretely down at city hall - privately between the couple - or even just embrace each other with love each and every day... I hope the essence of the relationship is built with truth and love. Because in the end, that is all that matters!
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I am becoming more and more convinced that "the universe" always ensures we are on the correct path. That this very moment in time is exactly where we need to be. Some people say if they could go back in time, they would change what they said or did. Yes, hindsight is a wonderful thing! But here is my question... What if everything was already scripted? What if, in order to be where you are right NOW, you had to have travelled that path? I'm still reflecting on this notion because it totally goes against the whole idea of free will! But when we start trusting this universal law and truth, I've found that life balances and becomes smoother. I've even noticed signs throughout the day that reaffirm my pathway! Whether or not life is scripted or not, always remember we are stepping into the unknown enchanted journey and to appreciate the people and places that come your way! Enjoy the journey!
I'd like to say "I forgive you" but I'm not quite there yet. I'm working on that because I don't want to give you free space in my head and carry you around with me for the rest of my life. It's not worth it. To not forgive would be an injustice and disservice to my own life and the people I love.
I'd like to share with you something very personal. It's taking a lot of courage to write this but I feel it's important to share this, particularly for people who are currently going through the devastation called divorce...
Rewind to late November 2015 - 12 months since I had officially separated from my former spouse. It had been 5 months since the finalisation of the property settlement. I was living and working in London, experiencing the wonders of this beautiful world we live in and meeting so many interesting people! Life was becoming easier yet something still lurked in the background. I felt a sense of heaviness on my shoulders for moving forward with my life and finding happiness and a sense of peace. I had cut all contact from my former spouse including all of his family and friends very early on in our separation, so I had no idea what he was up to or even how he was coping with the separation. I tried to live each day being honest, loving and true to the person I am! Despite this, in the back of my mind, I thought about the last time I had seen my ex, the tears that he shed and the begging for me not to leave the marriage. He was a broken man and I felt guilty to some degree. The mistake I made was I held onto this vision of him and thought that 12 months on he would still be in this horrible dark place. Late November 2015, he served me with the divorce papers. I felt so relieved that he had done this. That he had accepted it was over. It was like a dark cloud that had been following me around had disappeared! I felt lighter! The heaviness was gone. I'll never forget the afternoon I signed the papers and posted them back. I had a spare 20 minutes from school finishing to having to be at a staff meeting. I quickly walked to the old English post office down the road, signed and posted them back before arriving back in time for my meeting. Pretty straight forward. No sadness, no regrets, no anger... just sign and return. I remember walking back thinking... wow! Can't believe I did that with no tears! I even admired the beautiful sunset of the day and returned to the staff meeting as normal. Days later, I wondered if the tears would start! Nothing! Just relief! I knew he had moved forward. This might sound funny, but it felt like a shift in the universe. Acceptance and finalisation. So for anyone currently doing through the horrible path of divorce, please know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Please know that the sun will finally set and all of the turmoil and heaviness one carries in their heart, will disappear. One day, there will be a new chapter. A chapter full of everything you once dreamed of! There will be a shift in the universe. The strange thing is, to find that chapter, to find that place in the universe, to find that love, harmony and inner peace, sometimes a soul might have to travel the path of divorce. #divorce #happiness #love #peace There are many ways people heal from difficult times. Some say time heals wounds, some prefer to block the past, where others will take time to reflect upon the past. Every journey is different and for me, it's what ever works for the individual to move forward. The most important thing is to forgive those who have done you wrong, otherwise you carry a heavy heart. This can be quite challenging because sometimes the person you are trying to forgive has never apologised or even acknowledged their wrong doing. There is a famous quote by Jonathan Huie- Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. I love this quote because I truly can relate to the disharmony one takes on when they do not forgive another.
Take time to try and understand someone's motives. Take responsibility for your contribution to the break down. Send the individual light and love. Sit quietly with the emotions presented. I really feel it is important to sit with emotions we are presented with. We are here on earth not only to experience the beauty of life but also the hardships. Taking the time to forgive the past is not dwelling rather an attempt to heal old wounds so they do not bleed in the present. If an individual does not take the time heal wounds, it will surface into anger, irritability, negative talk and ultimately destructive behaviours. I'm guilty of this. I'm guilty of letting the past impact on the present. I'm getting better and whenever this happens now I stop myself and look back to where I have come from and remind myself the importance of forgiveness, letting go and being true to the person I am today! Live in the present! Live! #divorce #forgiveness #liveinthepresent #healing #journey 31st December 2016 - Last day of 2016 I am taking some time this afternoon to reflect on 2016. Thinking about my journey of the past year and where it has brought me to this point in time. I know I said this exactly 12 months ago, but I truly am not the same person I was this time last year! This year has continued to bring life lessons (served with many laughs and tears) and for this, I am grateful! I'd like to share some of the journey in what I would describe as the year of 'transiton, healing and change'... I began 2016 standing on Westminster Bridge, under the chimes of the Big Ben watching a beautiful display of fireworks! Moment later, my family and I literally skipping and dancing to the tune of Auld Lang Syne. 2016 was going to be the year to rejoice and start afresh! What started out with a bang during the month of January, I heard the terrible news of a close friend's passing. A 30 year old woman... She leaves behind 2 beautiful little girls. I will always hold my friend Kellie close to my heart! I visit her grave regularly. January also saw the finalisation of my divorce! A final farewell to a chapter that needed closing quite some time ago! February was spent in one of my favourite places in the world... Scotland! First time visiting but definitely not the last! I will be back to find the Loch Ness monster as well as listen to the sound of the bagpipes and try to understand a wee Scottish ascent after a few pints! During the end of February/ early March, I coordinated a school musical with a close friend! Such a delight to be apart of! Good times and something I'll always cherish! April was an extremely difficult time for everyone in our family... the terrible lost of my uncle. Such a fun loving spirit who he himself gave his own title "uncle barrel of fun"! I continue to miss him greatly! May... turning 31 years! Birthdays are something I now embrace! They say it's only a number and I totally agree! I was whisked away to a romantic restaurant serving my favourite... mojhitos, followed by an evening at the theatre! June... the month of packing up a life back into 2 suitcases in preparation of the trip home... a life I had come to love! Saying goodbye to my UK classroom, local coffee shop on Portobello Rd, Pommy friends and my little apartment in Notting Hill came quite difficult. (7 suitcases later plus 2 large sea freight shipment... expensive exercise.... lesson learnt!) Also, I was made aware of the decline in health of another Uncle. I'm not saying that I favoured this uncle more than the other... but this uncle and I had a very special bond. I admired this man greatly and to hear of this, brought a great deal of sadness. If I could rewind to this point... I wish I had returned back to Australia to say goodbye. I know my uncle would not have wanted that but it still does not sit well with me that I did not see him and tell him exactly what he meant to me. 1st July... an eventful day of farewelling the UK and stopping over in Italy... a stop over for 6 weeks mind you! Need to transition back into reality slowly with pasta, Italian alps and vino! During this time, I toured the real Italy! Seeing what this great country has to offer! It was with great sadness that my uncle passed. I found this quite difficult and began to descend back into my dysfunctional way of coping... shutting everyone out. After watching the video link of the funeral, I decided I was returning back to London to visit my baby cousin who had just arrived for her UK adventure! Life is too dam short to not live in the moment... I was not there for her when her dad passed back in April. I think also... I needed her too! So back to the UK I went! A short 48 hour visit! Worth everything! 12 August... home sweet home! Some things quite confronting... but I had a saying that helped me a great deal in London when things got difficult... "I've danced with the devil... nothing phases me! Remember to take ownership of this crap and face it head on!" (When dealing with difficult ex-in laws, one grows a backbone!) So the later part of this year... I have slowly readjusted to life as I know it! Life really is beautiful. I embrace all that comes my way the challenges and changes! Life is full of change! Change occurs in stages and phases, which each add depth, colour, character and create a multidimensional, multifaceted you! I woke up this morning thinking about what 2017 has installed! What journey will it take me on? What phases and stages I will go through over the next year... I guess that's the beauty of life! We never know what's around the corner. Setting any New Years resolutions??? No, not me! I say embrace all that life has to offer and just 'go with it'! Enjoy the ride! Happy new year everyone! Christmas Eve 2016. A beautiful peaceful evening back home in Australia. I've taken some time tonight to reflect on the events of 2016. Whilst it has been a busy year of travelling, finalising a divorce, farewelling my friends and life in the UK, resettling back home, returning to my current position, buying a house and car, unpacking old boxes, revisiting old friends and returning back to reality, 2016 saw two very close family members suddenly pass away and return home to spirit. I think of them most days and tonight, I think about the impact they have made in my life. Two strong, unique men who I admire greatly! Taken away far too soon! I think about my uncles and remember the wonderful Christmas days we would have as children. The fun times of smashing down the Christmas ham and potato bake and playing in the pool for hours.
Christmas is not about receiving presents. It's about love, family and friends. For the past 3 years I have spent Christmas overseas as I found Christmas festivities to be quite difficult to swallow. Last year, was the first year I tried to move forward in my healing process and participate in these festivities. It was a great start. The 2 years prior were spent in Fiji, trying to escape the reality of my own mistakes I had made in life! This year, I'm back in Australia and have embraced all that Christmas is! I even put up Christmas lights! I know with all my heart, both of my uncles would want me to move forward and live life. Life is for living. Life is to be enjoyed as well as learning to accept the tears. 2016 has been a year of moving forward. At times, particularly with returning back home to Australia, it has been hard and old wounds have definitely seeped open, but the journey we are all on is about moving forward and being at peace with what life presents. Christmas 2016... I am thankful. I stumbled on this lovely quote the other day and it got me thinking not only about what we say to others but how hard people can be on themselves with worrying. Next time you fall victim to that inner dialogue of worrying, think... Is this true, is it necessary and is it kind to yourself!
It's Friday morning, 26 August 2016 and I'm sitting having breakfast at 'Portobello Cafe', Circular Quay in Sydney! The view is sensational! Nothing can top this beautiful harbour right on our doorstep. I was originally planning to have breakfast at the MCA building across the harbour however, as life does... steered me right into this wonderful little cafe, with terrific views of the coat hanger and Opera House. (The cafe name sure gave me a little chuckle too!) There's no place like home! Rockin and ready to start this next chapter in life.... Ready set GO! Before I take my marks, I'm sitting here thinking about the journey over he past 16 months and how much I've learnt. Don't get me wrong, I have a lifetime of more learning and discoveries, but I'm amazed at myself and how far I've travelled! The steps I've taken might seem easy for others, but for me... Have sometimes been very trying, difficult, sometimes like I was walking backwards and sometimes even like falling smack on my face! But I'm really proud of how far I've come! So here goes... 1. I can now sit on my own at a restaurant and thoroughly enjoy my own company. 2. I can now look at my past and enjoy and thank the memories that it served at the time. 3. I can now forgive myself for the pain I caused both myself and others. 4. I can now see my own strengths as a person and what I bring to the table. 5. I know that whatever comes my way in life... I will deal with it with truth and love. 6. I can now see that everyone is on their own journey and that we are all part of greater Source, trying to live the best way we know how. 7. I can now be in the moment and enjoy each gift life presents whether it be meeting an old friend or sitting in the sunshine. 8. I now know that no matter where I am in the world, I can make it my home and love it! 9. I do not judge the choices of others, as they too are on their own learning journey. 10. I can now see that life is full of many chapters and we never know what is coming next. Plans are great, but it's vital we live in the moment! Let life guide you! 11. I no longer worry about the opinions of others! (Very cliche I know!!! But having other people's thoughts fill your mind will eventually make a person run on empty!) 12. I can now try to take emotion out of a situation and deal with the facts. 13. I can now identify people's energy zapping (whether intentional or not) and shield myself so I'm protected. 14. I can now make a joke and smile even when the shit has hit the fan! 15. I am now brave to face the world each and every day! Life is meant to be a journey. Sometimes up and sometimes down. My list could go on further but there are some things I will hold close and dear to my heart. Each step in life is always forward not backwards, even if it appears on the outset not the best choice. It's just meant to be. Everyone has choices in life and each chapter is always according to a Divine script.
As I begin to embark on my next chapter in life, I share something very important that I try to live by. If anything, I believe that this is the most important lesson I've learnt and it is in-scripted onto my ring to remind me each and every day. It reads... 'This above all... To thine own self be true'. |
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